HaHa Hilarious Uzumaki Chronicles
by UchihaKarasu22
Summary: This is a all or nothing showdown versus any character you could dream of. No mercy, no sparing, these chapters contain humorous situations that'll make you laugh. WARNING:they'll make you lose bladder control. So please...contain yourselves.I warned you.
1. Akatsuki Episode: Kakuzu vs Kisame

"Kisame! Kisame! Get up!" exclaimed Kakuzu.

"If you don't leave now…your limbs will be separated from your body…so… I hope you stay a little longer…." Kisame trailed off and fell back to sleep.

"Was he talking to me?!" alarmed Kakuzu. He then felt a tap on the shoulder. An immense chill came over and subsided as he turned slowly.

"Hello….." Kisame said with a death glare.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" He pushed Kisame away, fortunately landing on his bed, and ran like the demon was on his heels. Or the demon shark.

"What an idiot," Kisame said still on his bed. He then fell into deep sleep once again. He then whispered, "I thought he was here to take you away…." He was referring to a mangled up teddy bear by the name of Mr. Snuggles that he had pulled out from behind his pillow. "Night-night Mr. Snuggles! And soon he fell asleep clenching the bear in his arms.

(Out of Kisame's teddy bear realm)

As Kakuzu kept running, (he believes Kisame is running after him with his sword) he didn't care who was in the hallway, he ran them over.

"He's going to get me!" Itachi was in the same hallway at the time.

"Kakuzu you're an idiot…..my Sharingan doesn't read any movements….Kakuzu? Kakuzu!" Itachi was deformed into a pancake….it was the end of him.

"He's going to get me!"

(Back in the teddy bear realm)

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." (Not much happening.)

Kisame woke up.

"What's that Mr. Snuggles? You're hungry? Yeah, me too." Kisame replied.

**(GPS Navigational Device: Indicates that Kakuzu is headed north for the kitchen.)**

"I think it's safe now." Kakuzu breathed. Deidara looked up at him.

"What are you looking at woman?!"

"Don't make me…."

"Don't make you what, give me a makeover?"

"Why you!"

"Guys….you're both idiots." Itachi made an entrance, hunched over with a hand on his back.

"What happened to you?" Kakuzu and Deidara said in unison.

"Well, Kakuzu, it seems you don't know when to use your eyes to see where you're going. And you're being chased by, which I believe, is your shadow. If that is the case…you really are stupid."

"No- no, you got it all wrong, Kisame he--"

"Good Morning!" Kisame exclaimed.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" Kakuzu screamed and ran for the nearest exit. You could hear him run down a series of hallways. The scream still continued as Kisame said, "I thought he was a morning person."

"Kisame, this is the last time I'll tell you, please do not bring that mangled teddy bear out of your room. You know it scares all of us…..except for you and Itachi." Deidara remarked while covering his eyes. Kakuzu passed by the kitchen again and down a hall away from "Kisame".

"Not Mr. Snuggles." Kisame whimpered. He covered the teddy bear's ears so he wouldn't hear the things Deidara was saying about it. Itachi started petting the teddy bear's head and replied, "I think Mr. Snuggles and I will get along just fine." They all looked up at each other and smirked. "Oh Kakuzu..."

**THE END**


	2. Team Seven Episode: Sasuke vs THE MALL

**This is Sasuke's POV: if you were wondering... (Thanks Mayan) :D**

"Sasuke, Sasuke please?!"

"No….Sakura I won't go shopping."

"Well, then tell me one thing."

"What……you're wasting my time."

"Why don't you want to look for a new wardrobe?"

"Because I'm fine with the clothes I have."

Naruto came into the conversation.

"Naruto, a perfect example." (Even though I may regret his answer.)

"What's going on?" Naruto asked.

"Naruto, you know guys, we don't like shopping right?"

"Depends, I like shopping for all kinds of Ramen."

"No, idiot," I slapped my forehead. "For clothes."

"I don't see the problem," Sakura sighed.

"Oh-oh-oh Sakura I'll go with you!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Perfect, you guys can go. I have to train. Go ahead without me," I said.

"Wait Sasuke, this is like training," Sakura said. She knew she had a good line. Now all she had to do was hook and reel me in.

"I'm listening." I sighed with my back facing them.

"Well, it-it focuses on balance and skill….and speed like when you find really awesome sales."

I sighed so she would leave me alone.

"Thank you-thank you Sasuke!" Sakura cheered. "And Naruto you can come too."

"Thank you Sakura!" Naruto exclaimed.

-----------An Hour Later------------

"How about these?"

"Sakura, you've forgotten one important detail."

"Oh right you're a size 7 not a size 9. Of course I forgot…duh…that's my size!"

"No Sakura," I said with my poor defenseless body crammed in a pink frilly dress. "One, I'm a guy. Two, I don't wear dresses. And three….."

"Oh-oh Sasuke's going to get those?" Naruto said popping out of nowhere with a blue dress on. They were sparkly pink high-heeled open toe shoes. "They're a size 9…sweet!" He took them away and started trying them on. "Oh Sasuke nice dress." Naruto smiled. (He wasn't sarcastic, he was serious! Was he brainwashed!? Would I be next?!) I cringed. I realized what Naruto was doing and something came over me.

"Naruto," I said.

"Yes Sasuke?"

"Those shoes will never go with that dress." I said. I stopped and then replayed what I just said in my mind. I slapped myself across the face. OH MY GOD! IV'E BEEN BRAINWASHED!

"I couldn't agree more!" I looked at Sakura. She was amazed at what I accidentally said. Here it comes…….

"Oh Sasuke-kun!" She made several attempts to hug me. I tried to run but I was tripping on the dress and the only thing I was wearing was my boxers. I'll make a sacrifice. (Zip) I ran down the escalator with boxers (let's just say I have some new fans…..GREAT.) While running for my life I ran past Tenten, Neji, and Rock Lee and heard distantly Tenten say, "Why can't you guys be more like that?" I then crashed into Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji (that's where the hot pursuit ended) and didn't realize it until someone said, "Hey…. Sasuke."

"Ino, you pig, stay away from him!" Sakura enlightened.

"Chill, Forehead, he came to me!" At that second I felt like a defenseless caged animal with two snot-nosed girls fighting over me in a pet shop. Great, just what I need. A mall scene with two bickering ninjas, Naruto finding his way down the escalator in a blue dress and pink shoes that don't match, (HERE I GO AGAIN) and me in public in my underwear. Probably by now some crazy fan girl of mine probably went into my changing stall and took my clothes.

(Sasuke's changing room)

"This is the one……oh my god! It's Sasuke's clothes! (Punch! Bam! Boom! Crash!) It's mine! No it's mine………..ANYWAY………

"No he came with me!"

"No he didn't, he came with me right Sasuke?" Sakura asked while scanning the mall for me with her 'Mean Green' eyes. "SASUKE!!!!!!!"

I made it past her but I could hear the scream from outside the mall. Oh no. I ran to my house to get new clothes and then stayed in the training field hoping I could be safe there. Kakashi lurked out from behind me. But I still had the jitters so I jumped. Kakashi didn't understand why I was so jumpy.

"Sasuke, Sasuke calm down….what's wrong?"

"M-mmmmall…….no clothes….Naruto in a dress."

"Yep, sounds as though you have a mall problem."

"Y-yyyyyya t-ttthink? I was shaking in terror.

After I had told him the whole story, he looked up at me and said, "They didn't write this in my book! I thought I was so prepared but really I'm back at square one!" Kakashi exclaimed. I slapped my forehead for the second time. Just then Sakura came by with Naruto. He had bought the blue dress and the pink shoes. All Kakashi could say was, "Those shoes do not match with that dress!"

**THE END**

**Well that's the end for Chapter 2...next chapter is... well, someone please give me an idea! Faster I gets me an idea the faster the NEW Chapter is up my peeps:D**


	3. Lazy Episode: Shikamaru vs Chores

"Shikamaru you lazy bum get up!" His father commanded as he violently opened the shades and threw him out of his bed. He hit the floor, but to his advantage, he began to use shadow clone technique.

"Oh man! I set myself up!" His father ran out of the room. Shikamaru chuckled. He crawled back into bed ad fell back asleep. Orochimaru then pranced his way in.

"Oh Shikamaru…" he said in a playful, luring voice. He looked over the covers.

"Ah! It's Orochimaru!" he screamed as he ran out the door. He bolted into the kitchen.

"O-orochimaru i-is in m-my r-room." He appeared and his father began to laugh.

"Thank you Orochimaru, you may go now." He left without a word.

"That was a cruel thing to do, you scared the living daylights out of me."

"Well, now that you're awake, you can clean that mess you call a room. I'm very concerned about it. If it wasn't for your "floor" of clothes, you would have had a concussion by now."

"Well, then if it saved my life, I don't need to clean it."

"Wrong, aren't you even concerned that maybe, just maybe you _**might**_ have a floor?"

"Don't know, couldn't tell ya…I'm fine without it."

"Go clean it now."

"But—"

"NOW!" Shikamaru ran to his room and examined his room. "This could take a while." He gathered up some garbage bags and slipped on some latex gloves. He started to gather up dirty clothes. As he removed some clothes from the surface of the "floor" a furby-of-some-sort catapulted itself from the depths of unknown.

"Jeez! What are you?" he dumbfounded asked as he saw it waddle it's was to a week's old pizza box. It began snacking on some crust.

"You might not wan—" Shikamaru began to say but was interrupted by the growls and snarls the furby-thing was producing as it held a piece of crust between its beak. It fell out as its snarls grew louder and fiercer; and began foaming at the mouth.

"Whatever then you furby-thing…I won't be the one complaining when you get week full of the runs and bad gas cramps. I won't care one bit." He then turned back to his objective. The furby decided not to take it into consideration and began snacking again. "Troublesome."

He began moving deeper into the pile till he felt rushes of cool air brush the bottoms of his bare feet.

"There isn't a floor…_**is**_ there?" Panicked, he dove away (as though in a swimming pool) from the "floorless" area and made his way to his bed. He glanced up at the furby, still snacking. It had finished half of it already.

"God, are you starving? Oh, wait, you've buried under clothes for like…ever!" The furby paid no attention to the babbling, disorganized ninja and continuously ate.

"Whatever," he said as he began to pick up more clothes. He made his way to the closet. As he began to open the door, something obnoxiously laughed.

"What was—" the thing was Orochimaru, and it was dragging him in.

"Ah! Not you again!" He grabbed a kunai (out of no where; and no where we want to know) (except for you Shikamaru fans out there… _**yes I see you**_) and threw at him. He died.

"More to clean up! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" But then an impulse came over him to start dancing on the dead carcass. "He's dead! He's dead!" He sang. "Alright that's enough. I'm tired." He walked out of his room and began to close the closet till the furby sprung itself over there and slammed the door behind it as it leaped in the closet.

"What the?" It came back out with a small tummy and waddled to Shika's bed, where it laid….full?

"Did it eat—" he opened the door to reveal…….

NOTHING!

"It ate Orochimaru." Tears fell down his face…tears of:

"Joy! To the world, da da da da.. he's dead, he's dead, he's dead!" (Singing Joy to the World his way)

**One hour, maybe two, OKAY six hours later (he paid me to tell you 1-2 hours to make it seem he cleaned it faster than he really did, sorry):**

He continued cleaning up his room, throwing dirty clothes in bags to take to the Laundromat. He picked up the final article of clothing and sighed.

"Finished!" He then fell down on the floor, and his head clucked on something metal. "Ow, what was that?" a metal fan was blowing on the floor. "Hey, there _**is**_ a floor!" A sudden knock was heard on the door. The floor began creaking and broke off to the next floor.

"Hey Shikamaru what was that?" He caught sight of the floor gone. "Oh my god! Shikamaru!"

THE END


	4. Akatsuki Episode: Akatsuki vs NYC

**Disclaimer:**

**IDEA: From angelnin242...AWESOME IDEA! THANK YOU!**

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"Itachi," Konan whined, "But I really wanted to see Hairspray!"

It was in the midst of August, and the Akatsuki were making a short trip in New York City.

Why you ask we'll never know but for the fun of it, they found themselves there, getting sucked up in New York's fascinating features.

"Konan, I'm trying to get us the heck out of here— god!" Itachi exclaimed nearly getting hit by on-going traffic.

"Oh Itachi, don't be such a drama k—"Kisame began to say but was interrupted by Itachi's death glare and discontinued his thought any further. He knew for sure he would be thrown into the street.

"You were saying Kisame?" Itachi dryly inquired with a light smirk sketching itself on his face.

"N-nothing, nothing Itachi!" He quickly stuttered.

"Where the heck is Deidara and them?" He lividly screamed. Steam came-a tooting out of his ears. Konan giggled.

"Oh-how cute…Itachi getting a widdle angwy?" She asked in a baby voice. He looked at her ready to smack her across the face; but instead he cracked up hysterically. Kisame and Konan stared at him in freight. 'Where are they?' they thought in unison.

_**ELSEWHERE…**_

"Come on D, we're going," Zetzu ordered from the opposite side of the changing stall.

"M-minute, j-just a minute." Deidara replied as he struggled from the other side. He came out clutching pink, purple, and yellow frilly dresses in his arms.

"Oh, Tobi think they're pretty-ful!"

"Oh, thank you Tobi!"

"You two are complete idiots…" Sasori mumbled.

"Can we go…now!?" Hidan anguished. He massaged his throbbing forehead.

"Yes-yes, I just have to pay," Deidara smiled as he struggled to get the clothes over to the pay counter. As he got there, he pulled out a sack.

"You're not going to—" Hidan began to say.

"It's all I have left!" Deidara said as he poured the heavy sack on the counter.** PENNIES **flew **EVERYWHERE!** Hidan screamed and ran out of the store in such agony and annoyance. He turned the corner and bumped into a man reading mindlessly on the sidewalk.

"Hey look where you're going!"

"Sorry," the man started, "I've been reading this pamphlet on the American Museum of Natural History all day and I can hardly wait to go!"

"Wait, what's there?"

"Animals, dinosaurs—"

"In bone form?!"

"Y-yes," he nodded.

"Then what are we waiting for!? Let's go!" Hidan exclaimed as he pulled the random man's arm and headed for the museum. (Maybe never to return.)

_**BACK TO THE THREE-SOME ON THE CORNER…**_

"Ten minutes already…**ITACHI STOP LAUGHING!"** Kisame cried. (Seriously…)

"C-can't t-too f-funny!" Itachi abrasively laughed.

"Now _I_ want to get out of here!" Konan screamed as she took a seat on the sidewalk. She groaned in annoyance and poked her fore-fingers into her ears.

_**BACK TO THE CLOTHING STORE…**_

"Four-thousand four hundred and six, four-thousand four hundred and seven, four-thousand four hundred and eight, four-thousand four hundred and nine, four-thousand and five hundred!"

"Finally!" Zetzu exclaimed as he jumped for joy.

"Alright, let me just put the rest in the bag." Deidara said as he began shoving the pennies into the empty sack. Suddenly, he was pushed out of the way by Tobi.

"Spider! Spider! Tobi don't like spiders!" Tobi suddenly exclaimed as he jumped on the counter and scattered the pennies around. "Spider!" Sasori's face turned as red and steam rose from out his ears. The spider ran crazed around on the floor. Sasori unmercifully stomped on it.

"This is what you were afraid of?!" Tobi nodded. "Well, come down its dead…Tobi." He said trying to lure him in. He hopped down and went up to him. He punched him in the face. Tobi shocked and enraged, stood back up and towered over him.

"I'm s-sorry…T-Tobi." He smiled.

"That's ok, Tobi forgive you."

"Really?"

"No!" He punched him in the face.

"Yea, Tobi did it!"

"Why you—"

"Let it go Sasori," Zetzu commanded as he held him back.

"Fine," he hissed as he broke free of Zetzu's confinements.

"Can someone please help me recount?" Deidara asked as he began pennies aside into a minute pile.

"Tobi want to help!"

"Oi," Sasori complained as he smacked his forehead, "We're doomed…I wonder where Itachi, Kisame, Konan, or Hidan are…."

_**AT THE MUSEUM…**_

"This is totally awesome!" Hidan screeched as he saw the immensely huge dinosaur displays leering over the two of them.

"Yeah, Hidan it's really someth— Hidan? Hidan?!" The stranger panicked.

"Yo dude, up here!" Hidan was on the back of the Tyrannosaurus-Rex.

"Hidan! Get down from there! You already look weird and stand out enough….now you got the museum's attention by being up there!"

"Dude, chill."

"Na-uh! Get down from there man!"

"No! Never!" Hidan pouted like a five-year old. "Whee!"

_**BACK TO THE THREE ON THE BUSY CORNER…**_

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha**!"**

**(YEAH…. Not much going on….)**

_**BACK TO THE CLOTHING STORE…**_

"Alright, here's the money!" Deidara announced.

"Halleluiah!" Zetzu blessed.

"Um, sir…we only take debit or cash here…not change," the cashier timidly whispered.

"W-what!" Sasori and Zetzu exclaimed.

"Well, if one of you has a credit card…that'll work." Sasori began whistling and began walking out.

"Sasori!" They all exclaimed.

"What?"

"Fork it over."

"What?"

"You know."

"?"

"Get him!"

_**After minutes of struggling, Sasori lost grasp of his credit card, Deidara bought his merchandise, and…well there isn't a third. (Well, the poor spider was crushed.)**_

"Alright let's get the heck out of here!" Zetzu commanded.

"M-my credit card…my precious…." Sasori whined. (in Smeagol's voice from Lord of the Rings)

"Tobi can't wait for Deidara to try on pretty-ful clothes." Deidara giggled.

"Now where could Itachi, Konan, and Kisame be?"

"Maybe right where we left them?" Sasori pointed to the three on the corner. They were surprised to be showered with laughter and hugs instead of kunai and battle cries.

"What has been going on here for the past few hours?" Zetzu asked concerned.

"Itachi can't stop—"Konan paused and looked at him. He has stopped minutes ago. "Itachi?"

"What?" He examined his fellow teammates.

"You stopped laughing!" Kisame kissed the ground. "Thank you!"

**"**New York _**does**_ something to you**….." **Itachi mumbled to himself as he walked off. They ran after him. Smartly, Itachi had already figured out where Hidan was and immediately visited there. Hidan was still on the dinosaur; and the stranger persistently called out for him. Aggravated, Itachi summoned himself up on the dinosaur and stood there loftily.

"Let's go…now!"

There was feuding or argument, he was immediately off. The stranger bowed his head and they left the museum.

"Alright, let's get a taxi…I mean how hard could it be?" Deidara smiled.

_**SIX HOURS LATER**_

A taxi showed up at dusk and the Akatsuki were wiped out. Konan hissed, "Finally," to the driver. They piled into the small taxi and were on their way. Tobi and Kisame were at the bottom. With Itachi then Konan on Kisame and Sasori, Hidan and Zetzu on top of Tobi, and Sasori in the passenger seat, it wasn't the most comfortable ride. Once reaching _near_ the hideout, they got out and prepared to pay.

"$70.85 is your change."

"Ok," Deidara replied as he whipped out his sack of pennies.

"Not again!" Hidan screamed as he ran to the hideout. The others followed, leaving Deidara to counting ALL OF IT.

"Wouldn't it been easier just to kill the driver?" Itachi pondered out loud.

"Even to kill them both would be fine." Konan responded.

"Exactly," Zetzu replied as he turned to throw the kunai.

"Don't waste your energy," Itachi mumbled. And with that, the night had settled.

"**SPIDER!!!!!!"**

**(OH BOY…..)**

**THE END!**


End file.
